Are you a Screamer?

Are you a screamer? How effective is that, really? We all lose our cool sometimes- although I like to think I have the patience of a saint- reality is, when I am already 15 minutes late for wrok and have a forty five minute commute to get there, still have my son trying to find his shoes, and the front door was left open so the dog has run off.... Sometimes I do yell (or as I call it, talking very firmly in a loud voice...) So, when I ran across the following article I thought, "Whew... I am not alone..." So, check it out- then tell me... How do you keep it together?

Why Parents Scream - Amy Wilson Explains Why Today's Moms Yell So Much

Author Amy Wilson wants grandparents to know why parents scream so much at their children today. The reasons might surprise you.

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A little about me... Mommy Tyme

I just finished reviewing a few private comments I had received from this blog, and I thought, WOW! How did I miss that? I have not really introduced myself or told you anything about why I am writing this blog...

Obviously from the shop widgets and my links you can see that I am a handmade nut! I love to create, and do so fanatically! I currently have a web site at http://www.mommytyme.org and I have several shops:
http://www.MommyTyme.etsy.com
http://www.zibbet.com/MommyTyme
http://fuzzb.com/MommyTyme

Along with 2 blogs that discuss creating and selling handmade:

http://mommysreviewsyoucanuse.blogspot.com
http://mishapsofmommy.blogspot.com

Along with this, I run a group home for adults with developmental disabilities and have done this for many, many, many years... In fact, since I was 18 (39, now!) that is the profession I have always found myself in... (a few waitress jobs here and there, but my passion is working with individuals with special needs). Why? Because of respect. I respect my clients and do not see the differences that others might. We are all unique and diverse- and my clients diversity is simply in development rather than race, gender, etc. I love the fact that when I come to work I have a family- when I go home from work, I have a family. And whenever possible, I attempt to mix it all together!

Along with that, I am also a full time grad student in Child and Adolescent Development. I am nearing the end. I have a four year old son whom we adopted 3 years ago - and he is literally my sun and moon!

But, when I became a mom at 36 years- for the first time- I thought everything I did was wrong.. I am so used to developmental deficits and delays that I did not know what "normal" development was... and I know there must be a zillion people out there just like me! When I have a question, I research it! Thus, the beginning of this blog...

Also, I think that prevention and intervention is the path to healthy, happy lives. Cultural diversity is key, and the family dynamics need to be unique and individual- but, there are some universal truths that we all must take into consideration! Teratogens will harm your baby. Neglect can be emotional or physical. Etc. and Etc. This is stuff you cant just find out on your own...or it will be too late. We all need to share it with our neighbors, friends, and family. Furthermore, children are having children and they may not have the knowledge, training or skills that they need to be a parent. This is where we, as a community, have to offer assistance - or the future generations are going to be psychologically inept.

Thus, my blog-

I really encourage you to ask questions, comment, share personal experiences! I want to hear from everyone. I do not know everything (my four year old tells me that on a regular basis)- but I WANT to know everything. What works for one family, may not work for another- but a solution exists- we just have to find it!

So, please share and help others! This blog does not have a lot of followers- but it does have a lot of readers- and what you say matters and helps someone else- isn't that a fantastic contribution?

So, feel free to introduce yourself, post your blog links (even if they are unrelated! That is ok, it give us insight to you...) ans share your stories! I tend to lean towards the clinical view of things- so some heartwarming tales of love are always appreciated!

Temperament .... Can you change it?

Many parents are concerned that when they first begin to understand their babies temperament that this is a reaction to them, or maybe there is something wrong with their child... Their baby is more fussy than other babies, their baby is less responsive or seems unattentive to things- But, Temperament is actually biologically linked- an innate characteristic of your baby! Some aspects can be modified, but it is more likely the parent is going to have to modify to the temperament- Here is a short discussion of the topic I recently wrote-

Temperament- Nature vs. Nurture How does the Caregiver fit in?

Temperament is the innate trait that mediates a child’s interactions and approach to their environment, and the social aspects within their world (Child Development Institute). Personality is formed from the interactions within the environment and the biological traits characteristic of that child (Child Development Institute). Temperament can be distinguished very early in development. These observations are of biologically linked behaviors that are individual and unique to that child (Sturm, 2004). Characteristics that are observable include fear, irritability, frustration, level of activity, positive approach and attentional persistence (Sturm, 2004).

Temperament is referred to as the building block of personality and can best be explained by use of a theoretical model (Sturm, 2004). The current model used dissects temperament into (Sturm, 2004). These dimensions are explained as emotional or Attentional Reactivity and Self Regulation (Sturm, 2004). Emotional and Attentional Reactivity is explained as the intensity and reaction to the external stimuli, while Self Regulation is the ability to accept and manage the personal reaction to the stimuli (Sturm, 2004). Attentional control, another dimension used to explain temperament, develops later in childhood (Sturm, 2004).

Temperament is based in the genetic makeup of the infant. Research has identified similar temperament of identical twins contrary to the findings in research of fraternal twins (Berk, 2008). Similarities in temperament characteristics can be determined across ethnic and gender populations (Berk, 2008). There is some consideration given to cultural and caregiver values in regards to their reactions to the child (Berk, 2008). For example, some caregiver reactions are gender biased in that the reactions differ based on the gender of the child (Berk, 2008). Similarly, cultural values towards parenting and reactions differ greatly. Asian parents react to their infants much differently than Native Americans (Berk, 2008). The cultural experience influences how affectionate, proximity, paternal involvement, etc. caregivers express in their child rearing practices (Berk, 2008). The cultural values also promote or impair the Goodness of fit in regards to care giving (Berk, 2008). Goodness of fit refers to eh ability of the caregiver to adapt their reactions to the temperament of the child (Berk, 2008).

Although temperament is observable with infants, it is most often measured in research through use of questionnaires, thus the risk of biased reporting is always a factor (Berk, 2008). Temperament shows some stability over time, however, situations also influence the stability of individual temperament characteristics (Sturm, 2004). Temperament appears to be modified by parenting skills, reactions to distress and other signals exerted by the infant, and the immediate familial environment of the child (Berk, 2008). Nutritional and emotional neglect can alter temperament, creating fearful, inattentive characteristics (Berk, 2008). These characteristics remain present even after an intervention has been implemented (Berk, 2008).

Temperament also develops with age; therefore any predictions relative to temperament should be postponed until the child is at least three years of age (Berk, 2008). This is largely due to the development of emotional, attentional and activity systems (Berk, 2008). For example, impulse control is thought to develop along with the frontal lobe development between ages two and three (Berk, 2008).

Temperament is a biologically based reactivity state of the child to stimuli within the environment. The characteristics of the temperament determine the eventual personality of the child and influence future outcomes. The temperament can be altered by both positive and negative caregiver reactions to the infant. The reactions of the caregiver can be linked to the cultural values the family is experiencing, or unique behaviors of the caregiver. A key component to understanding and addressing the child’s temperament is the acceptance of the temperament and ability to adapt the environment to best meet the child’s unique characteristics. Temperament may change with age, experiences, and biological development, but some characteristics may remain consistent throughout development for the child. Acceptance of the temperament characteristics and the view that these characteristics created the uniqueness for that child is imperative for the caregiver to acknowledge.


Valerie Poling

References:

Berk, L. E. (2008). Temperament. In L. E. Berk, Infants, Children, and Adolescents (pp. 129-249). Boston: Pearson Publishing.

Child Development Institute. (n.d.). Temperament and Your Child's Personality. Retrieved January 30, 2010, from Child Development Institute: http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/temperament_a...

Sturm, L. (2004, March). Temperament in Early childhood: A primer for the Perplexed. Retrieved January 28, 2010, from Zero to Three: http://zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/Temperament

How to Create a Family Budget

For singles, creating a budget is relatively easy. They tend to have a good handle on how much money they have coming in, and when tracking expenses, they only have their own to think about. But creating a family budget is a whole new ball game.

Most families have multiple sources of income. And when there are multiple spenders, that makes things much more confusing. This is one of the main reasons that families lack a formal budget. But having a budget and sticking to it can greatly improve a family's financial outlook.

Making a family budget may be tricky, but it can be done. Here's how.

1. Take inventory of all income. If a certain source of income fluctuates from month to month, use the lowest amount or average it out.
2. Keep track of all expenses for a month or so. Keep all of your receipts, and ask all family members to turn theirs in to you each day.
3. Add up your monthly expenses. Be sure to include bills, debt payments, groceries, and everyday expenses such as lunch money and transportation costs.
4. Get the family together and discuss ways you can trim the budget. Getting input from other family members will help you determine which expenses are necessary and which ones could be cut down or eliminated. Maybe you or your spouse could start taking lunch to work instead of eating out, or maybe the kids can drop an extracurricular activity.
5. In addition to individual expenses, discuss how you can cut down on the electric bill, groceries and other necessary family expenses. Consider such things as carpooling or taking public transportation, buying more generic foods and adjusting the thermostat.
6. Estimate how much you can save on regular expenses, and cut the completely unnecessary items out of the budget. Then refigure it and see where you stand.
7. If you end up with a surplus, allocate a portion of it to savings. If you're in the red, go back and rework the budget until you have more income than expenses.

Being Realistic

One reason that family budgets often fail is because they're just not realistic. It's great to cut down on expenses, but sometimes we tend to go too far. For example, cutting entertainment out of the budget completely might look good on paper, but we all need a little diversion every now and then.

Instead of cutting such things out of the budget completely, consider finding ways to lower the cost. Going back to the entertainment example, maybe you've been going to dinner and a movie as a family twice a month. But eating in and renting a new release would be much cheaper, and you would still get to spend quality time together.

Individual expenses can also be tricky. This can be resolved by allocating a certain amount for each family member to spend each week. If someone spends his entire amount before the week is up, reevaluate his expenses and adjust if necessary.

Creating a family budget can help keep spending under control, leaving more money to pay down debts and save for future goals. But in order to succeed, close monitoring is essential. Your efforts will be rewarded, however, with less financial stress and more money in the long run.


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A NEW YOU!!

I have done some serious reflecting over the past few days. Recently some medical issues have arisen which gave me a scare. The outcome however, is that I am going to get busy on creating a new, happy, healthy me!

I invite you to join me on this journey, write your thoughts, success, failures, and more in the comments... Research has shown that groups that focus on a life change are better able to achieve it because of support. So, let's support each other....

Please subscribe to the blog so you can keep updated and add comments as you need to...

Life change? What does that mean, really? It's not just weight loss, or a new wardrobe, it is revamping from the inside out. That can not be achieved over night, and if you try too much at one time, you set yourself up for failure... So, let's take baby steps!

The first thing I have done is list my goals- so, think.. What are the things that really impact your happiness and life? Is it finances? health? appearance? personality issues? Family problems? If there were 5 things that would give you total happiness, what would they be?

For me I have broke down the goals into the following:

1. Improve my health
2. Weight loss (I weigh 165 today)
3. Get my finances under control
4. Really get my home business off the ground so someday I can give up the 9-5 corporate world
5. Spend more Quality time with my family


So, in taking baby steps I am going to make 1 or 2 small changes this week...

Improving my health and weight loss are intertwined, so I may be able to kill two birds with one stone (as they say)! So, question yourself, what behaviors do you engage in that impact your health and cause you to gain weight?

For me, I eat fast food for lunch everyday! Yes, everyday! That also impacts my finances- at 7.00 a lunch / 35.00 a week- Wow! So, that is change one, starting this week- No fast food for lunch!

Obviously we are going to fall at times, that is ok! Pick yourself up, start again. No one changes completely the first time around. Let's help each other!

So, what is your first step? Tell me about it and let's help each other try!

Another aspect that impairs my health, weight, etc. is my total LACK of exercise! Can't that come in a pill? I hate to sweat, I hate to exercise, and I really have no time! But, if I am going to change my life, I need to make time. Exercise is supposedly great for depression and stress- so, let's give it a go. This week I will try to walk at least 3 times! (how's that for a baby steP?) My little boy loves to take walks, and I love to hike in the woods and explore. We can do this together, and maybe it won't seem like exercise? I hope not!

Now, there are things I am going to avoid so as to not beat myself up! I am not going to weigh every day. I am not going to call this a diet. I am not going to keep reviewing my goals, instead I am just going to focus on these baby steps for this week!

So, tell me what your goals will be this week? What are your baby steps? I really hope we can share and help one another through these changes....